Why you should never
by Skoellya Seyth
Summary: Bring your kids to meetings. Or why you should bring your kids to a meeting with an evil meglomaniac you're trying to get rid of. Bat Clan and [How many other pure evil meglomaniacs are there out there?] Please R


**Why you should never bring your kids to important meetings. Or, why you should bring your kids to a meeting with an evil megalomaniac you're trying to get rid of. Bat Clan and… how many other famous evil megalomaniacs do you know? (By the way I have no idea how old Lex Luthor is so I guessed, please correct me if I'm wrong) I always rate my fics for safety anyway, but there is only very mild and implied swearing here. Ok, this is probably a little childish with the humour but like I've said before- you go where the mood takes you.**

**Disclaimer: For lack of coming up with anything original- they aren't mine.**

**x**

'You're bald.' Timothy Drake told Lex Luthor, folding his arms in his chair. Lex raised an eyebrow at the Wayne ward.

'And old,' Dick Grayson added seriously, pointedly ignoring the glares he was receiving from Bruce, who sat in-between his surrogate sons at the end of a table with Luthor at the opposite end.

'I am only 37, young man,' Luthor replied impatiently. 'Now, Mr Wayne-'

Dick smirked as he interrupted. 'Only old people or butlers call me _young man. _Besides you smell like old people.' Bruce was pleased he'd never call Alfred old, although he himself had called Dick young man sometimes… wait-a-minute… was that an insult? Hmm… at least the boy was getting more subtle.

'I do not.' Luthor retorted.

'Do too!' Dick and Tim chanted. Bruce rolled his eyes and then catching Luthor's stern gaze hurriedly glared at them again.

'_Mr Wayne…_' Luthor said controlling the anger in his voice 'I think that…'

'Tomato breath!' Tim said suddenly, blushing while all three older men turned to him with incredulous looks. 'What…?' he asked feebly. Bruce noted that clearly Tim hadn't learnt subtlety when using insults yet, although he started out better than Dick had, all those puns…

'He's right though.' Dick grudgingly admitted, as he turned to Luthor with a straight face, 'you do have tomato breath.'

'I ate an Italian Lasagne an hour and a half ago, my breath does not smell.' Luthor replied, bristling.

'I bet it had tomatoes in though,' Tim piped up, spinning in his office chair. Bruce leaned over and stopped the spinning, the last thing he needed was a queasy Robin on the Gotham rooftops.

'It's not a proper lasagne otherwise, and wouldn't such a man as you afford the authentic Italian dish?' Dick agreed. _Impressive; _thought Bruce; _he was_ _trapping the enemy_.

Luthor couldn't see anyway to avoid admitting he had in fact eaten tomatoes so he ignored the question. 'The chairman of-'

'Ha! I knew it.' Tim exclaimed gleefully before giving Dick a high five across the conference table.

'Tomato breath!' Dick snickered and looked Luther right in the eye, with a steady gaze. Not many alive could claim to have done that. He asked, craning his neck around to look at Bruce 'wasn't this meeting something to do with fruit companies?'

'Tomatoes are fruits?' Tim asked completely sincerely. Dick stared at him blankly. This from the guy who deduced Batman's secret identity…? Dick sighed as his mentor looked thoughtful. Didn't_ he_ know, too?

'Yes, Tim, they are. How could you not know that?' Dick told him eventually, exasperated at the younger boy.

'What? Alfred does the cooking, I just worry about the eating,'

'Junk food.' His surrogate brother stated, leaning back in his chair.

'No more than you! You get takeout almost every day.' Bruce turned his eye onto his eldest, every day, was it? He really needed to talk to him about eating healthier. Dick felt the gaze and shifted defensively, oh yeah, Tim was in trouble now. He got enough healthy eating lectures from Alfred…

'So? At least I'm allowed to _order_ takeout at the manor,' Dick said smugly, reminding Tim of older brother privileges.

'Idiot,' _Oh great, the name-calling. _Bruce groaned silently, although he amused himself by watching Luthor's look of absolute disgust.

'Twerp,'

'Jerk,'

'Cry-baby,'

'Jackass,' Tim jutted out his jaw defiantly, when he was reprimanded by Bruce silently with a disapproving stare.

Tim frowned, he didn't think "Jackass" was such a bad word. He did, however, gag at what Dick nearly called him though.

'Sh-' Bruce gave a death glare which cut a slightly embarrassed Dick off mid sentence, only to be followed by-

'ENOUGH!' Luther roared standing up, and much to his disappointment he only received looks of mild interest. He hissed. 'I refuse to listen to these two deluded adolescents bicker amongst themselves and insult me. I cannot believe it was necessary to entertain these two during a serious business discussion. Mr Wayne, I shall not partake in this mockery it seems you are so insistent on and I do not deem you worthy to say Goodbye.'

Luthor left the room steaming whilst Tim and Dick sniggered with laughter. Bruce looked at his two boys with pride, 'Even Clark hasn't done that.'

Dick nodded solemnly. 'Boy scouts would know that the tomato is a fruit,'

x

**Well hope you liked, yes this is silly... but... if you don't like silly humour I can accept that. However I do hope people enjoy reading this and please let me know what you think by review. Thx.**


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